June 9, 2012

I miss you mumma

My mum worked as a journalist for about 10 years - this was when I was around 4 to about 14 years of age. I remember she bringing home work many a times, and I used to read each of the news articles she was working on. Often, I used to stand in front of the mirror and read them, pretending I was a news reader.
Before 1999, we had no TV, so it was only over the radio that I heard various readers. I used to loving faking an accent and read out those articles.
For a brief time then, I wanted to become a journalist!

When BBS TV was launched, mum was among the first few English news readers. When I saw her on TV the first time, I was so excited!
I remember taking pictures with the film roll camera  of her on TV; and finishing the entire roll! I was so proud that MY mum was on TV :)

Soon, it became almost an everyday thing. Back then, news readers had to go all the way to Sangaygang to deliver the news. So mum used to go by about 6pm and get back quite late. I used to wait at home with the maid; so mum & I could have our dinner together.
Soon after the news was over, I used to look out of the window towards the Sangaygang hill (which then, was clearly seen from our window - there weren't so many buildings obscuring the sight unlike now). If I saw a pair of car lights dancing down the ridge, I knew it was mum coming back. I'd quickly ask the maid didi to warm up the food.
When I saw no car lights, I'd be so disappointed.

There were times when I missed her so much, that I used to go out, stand on the tallest window parapet; face towards Sangaygang and shout, "Mummyyyyyyy.....". Many a times, the neighbors used to come running, worried that something had gone wrong. I'd just tell them that I was missing mum. They'd tell me to go in and wait, but I never listened. I waited outside till I saw lights over the hill - only then did I run in to ask didi to heat the food.

After mum quit journalism and started work at the UN, things were even more hectic, work wise for her. She's get home very late. But I suppose it was because I was in my teen years, I was too engrossed in watching TV shows, in making scrap books that I did not miss her as much as I did as a kid. With the invent of mobile phones, I'd just text her and ask when she was coming, and that was it.

Now that I look back, I realize that once I was in high school, I took mum for granted so many times. I don't remember ever thanking her for making me what I was then.
I don't remember thanking her for waiting for me for dinner when I'd get back late from tuition classes. I don't remember thanking her for getting up early and making my favorite steamed broccoli with amul butter and bringing it to my bedside for me to get up. I never thanked her for staying up with me, late in the night, while I studied. I never thanked her for snuggling me to sleep when I was too stressed with exams.

If I could go back in time, I'd want to thank her every single day for all that she did for me. You know how they say, you realize the importance of people and things only when you don't have them - it holds so true!
Now, that I'm far away from her, I realize how much time and effort she had spent on making my life comfortable. I miss her so much - never a day goes by when I don't write to her telling her how much I miss her and how much I love her. I hardly said that to her while I was with her, back home.

Even now, when I am  20, I have times when I can't fall asleep due to stress, and I call her at the wee hours of morning, and ask her to talk me to sleep. Nobody but she has that calming effect on me. I have loved people in life, but the love & respect I have for her surpasses every nice feeling I have for others.

My happiness knows no bounds when people tell us that we are more of friends than a mother - daughter duo. My extended family remind me time and again of how my mum has only me, and I tell them that she doesn't have only me, she has the whole of me :)

Every time I tell her that what I am today is all because of her, she tells me that what she is today is because of me - and it's such an overwhelming thing to hear.

I've been missing her all the more today. If only I could go upmto the terrace and shout "Mummyyyyyy....." for her to hear it all the way in Dhaka.
But a skype session's due tonight - so I'll do all the screaming (in joy of course) later! :)